Life Stories

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He is not only a good father, he is also a teacher for all

Written by Jia  Hui.

 

Uncle Chan, 54 years old, suffering from colon cancer, has two sons. The elder son, 14 years old, has special needs, and the younger son, 13 years old, is sensible. His wife left them two years ago. Uncle Chan supports the family by selling soy milk and takes care of the elder son's daily life. Both sons often accompany their father to different places to sell soy milk. In the evenings, while Uncle Chan makes soy milk, the younger son helps with household chores. About six months after his wife left, Uncle Chan's cancer had reached stage four. Since he no longer had the strength to care for his elder son, he had to send both sons to a children's home.

 

After undergoing surgery, Uncle Chan began radiotherapy. However, two weeks ago, the doctor informed him that further treatment was no longer possible. Through the introduction of the Welfare Department, he came to the Pertubuhan Kebajikan Rumah Kasih Jing Yuan. When he arrived with his sister, his consciousness was still clear. His wish was to spend more time with his two sons. Due to the younger son's schoolwork, he had to wait until the holidays to visit his father.

 

On the second day at the Pertubuhan Kebajikan Rumah Kasih Jing Yuan, Uncle Chan told me that he wanted to treat the staff and patients there to drinks. I responded, "You should save your money for your children; we don't need these drinks." He joined his palms together and said, "I really want to have cold drinks. Please buy some special drinks for everyone. When the children grow up, they will earn their own money. Right now, I just want to treat everyone to drinks and make offerings to Rumah Kasih Jing Yuan." He added, "Amitabha, I beg you!" Granting his wish, I bought pearl milk tea and gave him the receipt for his offering. He then fell asleep peacefully.

 

A few days later, Uncle Chan's condition was not optimistic, but fate intervened. Sister Poh Bee arranged for Venerable Chuan Hua from Hoeh Beng Buddhist Temple to come to Rumah Kasih Jing Yuan and offer Triple Gems Refuge ceremony to few patients.

 

The next day was a school holiday, and after his sister made arrangements, she brought the two children to visit Uncle Chan at the children's home. When the younger son saw his father, he called out to him, and his father struggled to open his eyes and said, "My feet are numb, please massage them for me." The younger son sat by the bedside, watching his father sleep, and massaged his feet. The elder son sat beside them, keeping his father company.

 

Since Uncle Chan had severe bedsores and had irregular bowel movements, he needed his diaper changed every three hours. While Kakak was cleaning Uncle Chan, Lily and I chatted with the younger son. When we asked if he knew about his father's condition, he teared up and said, "The adults told me to be mentally prepared." I patted his back and listened as he continued to share bits and pieces about his father and older brother. He said his father was really good. Whatever he wanted, his father would buy for him. He wanted to learn lion dance, and his father encouraged him. Whatever he did, his father would cheer him on.

 

I continued, "Your father has also signed a body donation form. After he passes away and before his body is cremated, it will be given to medical students for research or learning procedures like suturing and intubation. This gives them a chance to learn and become good doctors in the future. That's why we call the people who donate their bodies for education 'silent mentors.' Your father will be a silent mentor, being a teacher for medical students. Do you agree with your father's decision?" He nodded repeatedly to show his agreement.

 

I went on to explain that they have a memorial tablet for his father to show respect. When he misses his father, his aunt or he himself, when he grows up, can come to pay their respects there.

 

Afterward, we talked to the younger son about the Four Principles of Life (Thankfulness, Love, Apology, Farewell). He said he would use his phone to write his thoughts and have his aunt read them to his father. After some encouragement, he mustered the courage to approach his father and read out the four principles while choking back tears. Though his father didn't open his eyes, he still heard his child's heartfelt words.

 

In the afternoon, Uncle Chan opened his eyes and held his younger son's hand. He spoke in a weak voice, saying, "You must take good care of your older brother, and listen to your aunt, okay?" The younger son nodded repeatedly, promising his father that he would.

 

Uncle Chan had a request for interaction with the children - he wanted to buy some birds and release them together. Upon hearing this, his younger sister immediately went to Pudu to buy the birds. As he watched the birds fly away into the sky, he was very happy and said to us, "Amitabha! Thank you all." We also thanked each other. Before the younger son left, he expressed his hope to come back here tomorrow to see his father again.

 

In the afternoon, Uncle Chan opened his eyes and, in a weak voice, asked his son for a smoothie. The younger son carefully used a syringe to give him the smoothie. Around 3 o'clock in the afternoon, Uncle Chan's breathing grew weaker. We led his two children, his sister, and Ms. Tan in chanting Buddhist mantras until his final breath. His younger son cried inconsolably when he saw his father's passing. Afterwards, Sister Gui Zhu accompanied him to the courtyard, offering silent companionship.

 

As Uncle Chan was a silent mentor, his body needed to be promptly transported to the Silent Mentor Institute. While waiting, we quietly chanted and wished for Uncle Chan to find a good path in his next life.

 

Epilogue:

 

The younger son truly is a sensible child. After his father fell ill, he patiently taught his elder brother to eat, bathe, and take care of himself so that he could tend to their father's needs.

 

Over these two days, observing their interactions, the elder brother is quite active, but the younger brother always manages to settle him down. For instance, during meals, the younger brother remains focused and finishes eating quickly. If the elder brother starts running around, the younger brother stops him. Thankfully, the elder brother listens to the younger one's instructions. Uncle Chan's friend bought Transformers toys for them, and the younger brother willingly shares them with the elder one. When he learned that his younger brother loved lion dance, he asked if he could come to the Pertubuhan Kebajikan Rumah Kasih Jing Yuan to perform during the Chinese New Year. He eagerly agreed and even said he would bring his team along.

 

One day, I asked Uncle Chan's younger son how he would solve challenges. He looked at me with determination and said, "I will ask my aunt for help." We laughed and felt comforted by Uncle Chan's upbringing. Here's to hoping they walk the path of life with virtuous friends by their side, receiving guidance from wise mentors. May they become stronger when faced with any setbacks.